Wonderful To Me

"I stand all amazed
at the love Jesus offers me,
confused at the grace
that so fully he proffers me.

I tremble to know that for me
he was crucified
That for me, a sinner,
he suffered, he bled and died.

Oh it is wonderful
that he should care for me
enough to die for me.
Oh it is wonderful,
wonderful to me."

"I Stand All Amazed"
LDS Hymnbook #193
text and music: Charles H Gabriel, 1856-1932

Carrie started to sing the chorus of this song today. Mostly just the "Oh it is wonderful" part, but still.... It got me thinking.

As we've been going through all this "stuff", I've been learning so much more about the Atonement. I've felt like there are a few people who know close to what I feel like, but no one knows EXACTLY how I feel. Specifically with regard to Brigham, Justin is pretty dang close, but it's different because he's the dad. I had already developed a bond with Brigham even before he was born. I felt him squirm and wiggle almost constantly.

I then thought of Christi Larson, Alana's mom. She would know close to how I feel because she's the mom and lost her baby from the same birth defect, two weeks after Brigham died. But again, there are differences. I have Carrie. Alana was Trent and Christi's first baby. There is also the difference of religion. I don't know their exact beliefs, but I do know that thanks to the blessings of the temple, our family is sealed together for all eternity.

I felt lost and alone. I would think to myself, "No one will ever know my exact experience, my exact feelings...." And then I would remember the blessing of the Atonement. Christ not only took upon himself the sins of the world, but every joy, every pain, every tiny thought and emotion that all mankind would ever experience.

The only way I can describe this is UNFATHOMABLE. I simply cannot imagine the extreme love Christ has for me. I am not alone. It truly is "wonderful to me".