Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dwelling on the Positive

I'm reading a novel right now by Anita Stansfield called, "The Silence of Snow". It's book 5 in "the Jayson Wolfe story", they're good, look them up. Overall a laid-back, easy read, LDS romance series that sucks you in for hours at a time, my favorite...

Anyways, to condense the first 4 books and give you a reference for what I'm reading, (without giving too many spoilers), Jayson has a hard life growing up, but is extremely talented in music, and eventually becomes a rock star. To make a long story very short, he eventually finds the Gospel and is living a good, happy, righteous family life. He's still a rock star though and has some very big trials with tabloids etc.

This little excerpt comes from a part of the book where he was trying to figure out how to deal with a trial and learn from it.

"[Jayson] came to see that he had the power to encourage negative thoughts and worries, or to consciously replace them with a trust in the Lord to help take care of the problems that might arise. He discussed the theory with [his wife] and they talked about the difference between this theory and being in denial about a problem. She believed that when a person could honestly acknowledge a problem he was facing -rather than ignoring it- and then do all that was in his power, the Lord would make up the difference according to His will."

As I read that, I had a "hallelujah" moment. This is exactly how I feel about Brigham! Someone recently asked my mom how I was doing lately. She responded that I was doing pretty good. The person then asked if I was in denial about the situation. Thankfully, my mom knew enough about me to truthfully answer that I was not.

I often have times when I feel bad for not being more obviously upset over Brigham's passing. While I've given the good "excuse" that I'm being protected by the Holy Ghost through the prayers of friends and family, I was glad to see this paragraph in the book. I feel like when I have a inner rush of emotion, I have been able to take a deep breath, lift the burden off my own shoulders and place it on the Lord's. In an instant, I feel physically lighter, my rush of emotion passes, and I'm ok. I can go on with my day.

And it's not that I don't want to think about Brigham, or acknowledge my pain that he's gone, I just also recognize that letting myself fall apart and dwell on the negative will not reverse the situation. I personally feel that when I'm whole and doing my best to take care of our home and our family, I am honoring Brigham. I'm certain he's extremely busy as a member of the army in Heaven, so why should I not be anxiously engaged in Heavenly Father's Earthly army, doing my job as wife and mother?

So if you see me or talk to me and wonder why I'm not always crying or how I can possibly handle it.... I have chosen to dwell on the positive things in my life. And my knowledge that someday we will live with Brigham again. We miss him, and definitely still have moments of crying, but we really are doing "pretty good".

9 comments:

Jeni Brown said...

There is a book that Sherry Dew wrote that talks about similar things its called "If live were easy it wouldn't be hard" Its definately a good read you should read it!

Coleen said...

I love your ability to share these profound thoughts with everyone. I continue to learn and grow as I watch you and Justin move forward in your lives doing exactly what the Lord would have you do and reminding us that we also have a work to do here on earth. Brigham will always be in our hearts, it only makes sense that we feel strong emotions whenever we think about him and his short mission here on earth. What a blessing you are in our family.

Julie said...

You are amazing. I only hope that I would be able to cope with tragedy as well as you.

Brittanie said...

I got compliments on how strong I was. It was frustrating, because I truly believed that in giving my grief to the Lord, He gave me His strength. It wasn't MY strength they were seeing, it was HIS.

((hugs)) It's an amazing way to think about the situation though.

Taylor and Kristin Williams said...

You're amazing!

Brittney said...

I'm so glad that you found that quote. I was actually going to send you that talk in the mail, but you seem to be one step ahead of me in just about everything. Thanks for this post and your optimism. It's a good reminder to me.

Emily said...

Thank you for this post! I was referred here by a friend. My baby, due June 1, is not expected to survive, and even though we haven't lost him yet, I have had some of those same feelings (like feeling guilty that I am doing as well with all of this as I am). But you put it so perfectly, and I thank you for it. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of Brigham, and I am encouraged that you have been able to see the big picture and be okay, and press forward. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Jenelle said...

Thanks.

Lynn said...

You don't need to explain yourself, or your grieving, to anyone. People just love you and care about you and your family, but don't always know the best way to express that. We're all happy you're doing "pretty good." God's grace and mercy are wonderful, amazing things, and He is blessing you through all this.