Dwelling on the Positive

I'm reading a novel right now by Anita Stansfield called, "The Silence of Snow". It's book 5 in "the Jayson Wolfe story", they're good, look them up. Overall a laid-back, easy read, LDS romance series that sucks you in for hours at a time, my favorite...

Anyways, to condense the first 4 books and give you a reference for what I'm reading, (without giving too many spoilers), Jayson has a hard life growing up, but is extremely talented in music, and eventually becomes a rock star. To make a long story very short, he eventually finds the Gospel and is living a good, happy, righteous family life. He's still a rock star though and has some very big trials with tabloids etc.

This little excerpt comes from a part of the book where he was trying to figure out how to deal with a trial and learn from it.

"[Jayson] came to see that he had the power to encourage negative thoughts and worries, or to consciously replace them with a trust in the Lord to help take care of the problems that might arise. He discussed the theory with [his wife] and they talked about the difference between this theory and being in denial about a problem. She believed that when a person could honestly acknowledge a problem he was facing -rather than ignoring it- and then do all that was in his power, the Lord would make up the difference according to His will."

As I read that, I had a "hallelujah" moment. This is exactly how I feel about Brigham! Someone recently asked my mom how I was doing lately. She responded that I was doing pretty good. The person then asked if I was in denial about the situation. Thankfully, my mom knew enough about me to truthfully answer that I was not.

I often have times when I feel bad for not being more obviously upset over Brigham's passing. While I've given the good "excuse" that I'm being protected by the Holy Ghost through the prayers of friends and family, I was glad to see this paragraph in the book. I feel like when I have a inner rush of emotion, I have been able to take a deep breath, lift the burden off my own shoulders and place it on the Lord's. In an instant, I feel physically lighter, my rush of emotion passes, and I'm ok. I can go on with my day.

And it's not that I don't want to think about Brigham, or acknowledge my pain that he's gone, I just also recognize that letting myself fall apart and dwell on the negative will not reverse the situation. I personally feel that when I'm whole and doing my best to take care of our home and our family, I am honoring Brigham. I'm certain he's extremely busy as a member of the army in Heaven, so why should I not be anxiously engaged in Heavenly Father's Earthly army, doing my job as wife and mother?

So if you see me or talk to me and wonder why I'm not always crying or how I can possibly handle it.... I have chosen to dwell on the positive things in my life. And my knowledge that someday we will live with Brigham again. We miss him, and definitely still have moments of crying, but we really are doing "pretty good".