Sweet Motherhood

Tonight when I told Carrie it was time for bed, she wasn't happy with me. She whined, squirmed in my arms when I picked her up, and basically demonstrated the perfect example of a tired two year old.

I thought of something that might calm her down and asked if she wanted to see Brigham's horsey. It's the little rocking horse snow globe my grandma gave to us when Brigham died. When you turn the music box on, it plays "Hush Little Baby" while the horse slowly spins in a circle. I told her we'd listen to the horsey, but then it was time for bed.

While the music box was playing I was glancing around our "Brigham Wall" in our room that has some pictures, hand prints, a statue etc. in memory of him. I started to miss him terribly. But then I realized, it almost wasn't even like I was missing him, I just wanted to miss him. I feel like our time with him was so short that it's hard to remember much anymore. My live memories are fading fast. The things I remember when I think of him are only what I've seen in the pictures we took. And I hate it. It's feels like it was a wonderful, horrible dream....

When the music stopped playing, I took Carrie into bed and she asked me to lay by her. When I lay next to her in bed, I can see both her, and her picture of Brigham on her shelf at the same time. I started to silently cry. It wasn't silent for very long though.

When Carrie caught on that I was crying she asked, "Mommy, what happened?"

I told her, "I'm just sad. I miss baby Brigham"

And the perfect, amazing, sweet little angel she is, started patting my arm and saying, "It's ok Mommy, It's ok...."

Then came the part that made me smile through my tears. She said, "Here Mommy, you can have my B" I'm sure she was thinking, "This always makes me feel better when I'm sad"

It was a wonderful moment and it only got better when she rolled over, scooted into me so she was the little spoon, reached behind her until she found my arm, wrapped it around her and held my hand.

I don't think any other Mother has ever been so blessed. I have one angel in Heaven and one on Earth.