Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Some days I hate hormones, emotions, and being a grown-up.... I have yet to pinpoint the exact reason, but every once in a while, I just have a grumpy day. And usually it's all the tiny things that decide to crash down on me at the same time. Feeling out of shape and mushy, feeling like Carrie is a teenager and actively trying to defy me, feeling like a tornado went through my house, feeling like we have negative money, missing Brigham like crazy, while at the same time feeling like his whole life was a dream....

And then there are the days where my life is awesome and wonderful and loving and perfect! It's exhausting!

Throughout this year, we've often had people say how strong we are. How inspiring it is that we're even "upright". We're living our daily lives and blending in with the rest of the population as if we haven't had the devastating trials we've had. I know we could certainly be lower, but I don't think we're all that awesome.... Anyways, the point I was trying to get to was, our Bishop said something that stuck with me. I can't quote it exactly, but something to the effect of, "Because your highs are so high, when you have lows, they might seem REALLY low."

I kind of think of it with a diving board metaphor. If you're on the low dive, jumping into the pool doesn't seem like that far of a fall. But if you're on the high dive, even though you're going to end up in the same pool, the fall to get there seems huge!

We've been so blessed to have our testimonies be strengthened through all these trials. I know it would be impossible to really count all our blessings, but when we try, it's baffling. We have so many temporal comforts, a nice house, Justin's job, food to eat, one car that still runs. We have good educations, and live in a free country. We have loving supportive families, good friends, an earthly angel for a daughter, and a heavenly angel for a son.... We have each other. For eternity....

So while the bad days are annoying, history has shown me that I'll likely yo-yo back up soon. That's why I write posts like this; So I can read them on a bad day and remember how truly blessed I really am.


Coleen said...

Just so everyone knows, I love you Rebecca. You are an awesome daughter in law. I wish I could take some of the heartache you and Justin have experienced this year away, but then you wouldn't be who you are. I have the same yo yo feelings and emotions and I am alot older than you are. Sometimes Life is just Hard. I love the line from the movie "Secretariat" I want to live Life Rejoicing. I really do and I know you do too. I know that Brigham is yours and Justin's guardian angel. Some days I will listen to a particular song and just start crying because it makes me think of him and his short life here on earth. Love you guys so much!

:natalie: & :david: said...

I know you don't know me, but I had to leave you a comment.

I found your blog almost a year ago through a friend on my Facebook. She had posted your blog asking for prayers for your son and I have been reading and thinking of you and your family ever since.

I just wanted to say in response to your highs being high makes the lows even lower, "fruit is grown in the valleys and not on mountain tops." We grow the most when we are hit and down the hardest.

I always try to keep that in mind and try to remember the last mountain top I was on and how I got to the one I am on now and how much I grew through that valley.